Bouncing Back from the Bad Days

We all have them. Bad days, weeks, months. I was in a car accident on Saturday (all okay thank god!), my friends have been struggling with a hell-ish exam season and all of us have everyday problems that get us down. No matter what happened to you, the most imperative part of a bad day is how you treat the next one. Resilience is something I've been trying to work on and as a part of the whole self-improvement thing I'm doing, and it's what I wanted to write about today.

First of all, acknowledge that you've had a bad day. They're normal! Everyone has bad days, even if the person somebody presents in the public eye looks fine. Think about what got you down; was it a fight with someone you're close with? Rough day at work? Got a bad mark? Your car broke down? It can even be none of those things, some days you're just burnt out and you're in a sour mood. Whatever it is, acknowledge that your emotions are valid, you're allowed to be angry and upset and cry and yell into the void and all that. They're human emotions. In order to get over them, you have to recognise them. It doesn't matter whether you can control the situation or not. If you know what put you in a mood, you'll be able to figure out how to get out if this.

After I recognise it, I tend to take time to distance myself. Go get coffee, go to the movies, have a bath, do whatever you need to do. Get whatever happened to you off your mind and do something that you enjoy that you know will get you in a good mood. If you're in a bad mood, taking your mind away from what happened is going to do wonders for your attitude for the rest of the day. If you've just gotten a bad grade, getting your mates together and going out to the beach will turn your day around. I know it's stupid to say, but just push it out of your mind, make yourself busy. Do whatever you have to do to forget about what made you upset. (I mean, I'm not endorsing buying cocktails after your exam, but if that's what you need to do...) You've also gotta count your blessings, look at what has happened to you worth celebrating. Bad shit happens all the time, but you have the same amount of incredible moments. For example, after my car got hit, I had an amazing outpour of support from my friends and family and taking time out to appreciate that instead of worrying about dealing with insurance companies helped me keep level-headed.

Then comes dealing with what happened. You need your resolution:

Do you need to go and apologise to someone you snapped at? Have you got to fix your bad mark by doubling down for the next assessment in your unit? In the cases where you can deal with it, don't waste time worrying. You should assess your situation and find what you can do to transform the situation. It can be hard to admit that you are responsible for the bad things that happened to you but that's growing up and being an adult for ya! You'll feel a million times better addressing what happened and finding a solution. The sooner you can put it behind you the better.

Is it completely out of your control and there's nothing you can do to turn your day around? For this, it's actually harder than knowing it is in your control. The best thing you can do is accept and forgive the world at large. Sometimes bad things happen and it's just not your day/week/month/year (cue the friends theme song). I say continue the 'take your mind off it' step and remind yourself that sometimes we just have terrible moments and events. But, like I said in the last Life Lessons post, if terrible moments make you a better, more resilient, more-crisis-ready human, they do have some utility in your life! Sometimes it takes looking at things from another perspective to figure out how to bounce back.

So, a quick review: ACKNOWLEDGE → DISTANCE → DEAL. I do not recommend going straight from a bad day to dealing with it, take time to go through the motions otherwise you're not going to effectively come to terms with what happened! For example, you had a really rough day at work, it's much better for you to take the time to recognise that you're upset and that it's okay to be upset, go relax or call your friend or make your favourite dinner, then think about what you can do to make the next day better before you go to sleep. Then you wake up with no lingering bitterness or anger and you've become a stronger person because what affected you yesterday doesn't have control over you anymore. That's what I call a bounce back.

See you soon, 

Em .